Homeschool Mum Burnout: What I Do When I Want to Quit

If you’re reading this, you’re probably tired. You’re probably wondering how you’re going to do this all again tomorrow. Maybe you went to bed last night thinking you’re just going to put your kids on the school bus in the morning and be done.

You are not a bad homeschool parent. You’re a normal one.

So let’s talk about homeschool burnout: what it is, and a few things I’ve found that help. Let’s take this one step at a time.

When burnout hits

In my experience, homeschooling can feel pretty isolating at times, especially if you’re not intentional about community or about getting out of the house.

The times I’ve felt most burned out are when we do the same thing every day and we don’t have any out-of-the-house time. For me, that usually happens in the bleak midwinter. It’s getting dark at 4:30, there’s no life outside of school at the kitchen table, and it can feel very defeating.

But I’ve found a few things that help when it feels hard.

It’s a season

The first thing I try to remember is to take a breath and know that this is a season, just like any other hard season in life. It won’t last forever.

Signs you’re burned out

I’m usually in a season of burnout before I even realize it. Here are the cues that tip me off that maybe I’m not doing very well, and maybe I need help:

• I’m dreading getting up in the morning to start the homeschool day. I don’t want to do this.
• I’m more impatient with my kids at all hours of the day. That usually tells me mum needs a little break.
• I’m comparing what I’m doing to what another homeschool parent is doing, and telling myself I’m not doing it right, or not doing enough.
• The negative self-talk comes in, and I feel like I’m failing, like nothing is going well.
• School has become a checklist, not joy. We’re far from joy at that point.

When I notice I’m getting snappy, I know I need to take a step back and reset.

Why it happens: too much, or too little

I’ve found that burnout often comes when our family is doing too much outside of school. One too many soccer games, other weeknight commitments, dinner with friends, play dates. All good things, but too many of them.

On the flip side, it can also come when we’re not doing enough outside of school, when we’re “hermit homeschooling,” as I like to call it.

You really need to find the balance, and try to stay there.

Filling your cup

Burnout also happens when I’m the parent educator all day and then a full-time mum outside of school hours, and I’m not getting any breaks.

I once heard someone wise say that self-care is filling up the cup you pour from all day. I love that. There are times when my cup isn’t getting filled and I’m just pouring from it, until there’s nothing left. That’s usually when I feel burnt out.

My hardest season

One of my hardest seasons of burnout was when my son was in kindergarten. I hadn’t figured out how to best teach him yet, and every day felt like a square peg in a round hole.

I wasn’t excited to get up and do school with him. He wasn’t excited either. He’d be found anywhere in the house except the kitchen table where our lessons were supposed to start, and I’d have to track him down to start something I didn’t even want to do.

I hadn’t found the curriculum that was right for him. I was trying to have us do way, way too much. And I hadn’t yet learned what kind of learner he was.

I wish someone had told me about deschooling back then: taking time to learn your learner first, away from any set schedule, and getting to know how each other works. That would have helped so much.

What helps: five things I do

1. Take a real break

Take a few days off and reset. It might mean an extended fall break, winter break or spring break, whatever season you’re in. Spend time where you and your kids are just feeling the joy of being together again.

Have a fun week. Go to the library a lot. Go on a field trip. Find what’s available seasonally in your area. It’s still learning. It just doesn’t look like sitting at the table going through workbooks, and it gives you a little break from the grind you’ve been in.

2. Cut back to the core subjects

I love teaching. I love education. (No surprise there.) But that means I can start adding too many subjects because I’m excited to learn all these things with my kids, and they’re excited too. Then suddenly we’re doing ten subjects a day, when we could just focus on the core: language, math, history.

About two years ago, mid-year, I got really excited about a Latin course. The kids have to learn where words come from and how they’re formed! But it was too much. That one extra thing tainted every other subject and the rest of our day. We lasted about a month before I had to pivot. I’d love to come back to Latin one day, maybe when they’re older, and that’s okay too.

3. Change the scenery

Sometimes you just need to pack up your school supplies and do school somewhere else: a park, or the grandparents’ house. We love taking school over to the grandparents’ house, where Nana gets to help too.

Last week, we did our core subjects in the morning, then took our reading, art and history to a beautiful park by a river. The kids would go down to the water, collect rocks, come back and do a bit of school, then go back again. Rinse and repeat. It made all of us feel like this is so much more doable.

4. Take care of yourself

This is the one I can be bad at, and I’m really trying to be better. The things that make me feel good are pretty basic: going to bed at a good time, drinking enough water, exercising, getting outside.

My husband and I talk the week before about what our schedules look like, and he frees me up during the day, even if it’s just for a 20-minute walk. He works from home too, so we’re lucky to have that flexibility. He’ll make sure I get my morning workout in and do breakfast with the kids.

However it works in your house, make sure you’re filling up the cup you’re pouring from.

5. Remember why you’re homeschooling

When families start homeschooling, I always encourage them to write down why, so they can come back to it on the hard days.

I started homeschooling because I wasn’t ready, and my kids weren’t ready, for a traditional school setting. I wanted flexibility. But my main reason was that I wanted to be right there with them when their faces light up about a new concept. I wanted to be part of that.

That’s the why I come back to when things feel hard.

It’s okay to take it a year at a time

It’s also okay to give yourself permission to take school one year at a time. Homeschooling might be right for you this year, and something else might be right next year. That’s okay too.

Let yourself off the hook. It’s okay if you need to pivot.

If you’re burned out today

Try these few things. Cut back to your core subjects. Change the scenery. Drink enough water and get to bed at a good time. And come back to your why, so you remember why you started this in the first place.

Need a gentle restart? My free Starter Week is a short, simple week that’s already planned for you, so you can get back to the table without having to plan anything.