But What About Socialization?

One of the biggest misconceptions about homeschooling is that the children are going to be under-socialized — that they’ll turn out socially awkward, and miss the classroom experiences you had growing up.

I’ve found the opposite to be true. I think homeschool is one of the best ways to rehearse your kids for the real world, and it has been a wonderful thing for my family.

Let’s take this one step at a time.

What people picture

When people picture homeschooling, I think they imagine one student sitting alone at a table, no interaction with anyone, growing more socially inept by the day.

That’s not what it looks like. Not even close.

What I saw as a classroom teacher

I taught in a classroom, so let me speak to the social pressures students actually face there.

We’re all more aware of those pressures now than we were growing up in the 80s and 90s — but they still exist. There is a real pecking order. A real hierarchy. And you can preach kindness, you can talk all day about how to treat each other, but when you put that many children of the same age in one room, certain pressures show up. They usually turn out to be negative ones.

In homeschool, your child doesn’t have to carry that. Who am I going to sit with at lunch? Are they going to save me a seat like they said they would? Who am I going to play with at recess?

The question I had to ask myself

I grew up in a traditional school setting, so that was my mental picture of what’s “right” — without my ever having examined it.

When I started homeschooling, I had to actually ask: when else in my life have I been in that kind of environment? What was it preparing me for?

The subjects I learned at school absolutely prepared me for adult life. But the environment? There aren’t many adult situations I can think of that it was preparing me for. I think we can do better than that.

Socialization is richer than “being around other kids”

When people say socialization, they usually just mean being around other children. It’s so much bigger than that.

I’ve watched my own kids carry real conversations with adults they’ve just met. With kids their own age. And with children younger than them.

The way homeschooling socializes students is more realistic for the real world, because they learn to interact with people of all different ages.

A classroom may offer more socialization in quantity. I think the quality is what’s lacking — and quality is exactly what you gain at home.

Socialization ideas that actually work

My kids socialize with each other all day. But here’s where they find everyone else:

• Youth sports. I’m a firm believer in them. Both of my boys play competitive soccer, so they’re practicing with their team three and four times a week, right alongside other kids their age.
• Activities they love. My daughter does gymnastics and acting, and she has great friends at both.
• Our neighborhood. This one’s been huge. Our kids are outside playing with the neighbor kids almost every day, and we parents set up on the sidewalk and watch them ride bikes. It’s a beautiful community, and getting to know our neighbors has done more to make homeschooling feel social than anything else.

We enroll in things on purpose so our children are with other kids their own age. I don’t want to deprive them of that. I just think there’s a better way to do it than the classroom.

The small things count too

Some of the best socialization is the ordinary kind:

• At the grocery checkout, we talk about making eye contact with the person helping us, and answering if they ask a question.
• At the library, I want them brave enough to go ask the librarian for what they need.
• In grown-up settings where kids would normally just listen, I encourage mine to engage.

This is part of what I mean when I say homeschool is really life school. I want my children comfortable talking with anyone they meet, at any age.

What I’ve actually seen

My kids have grown in confidence since we started homeschooling.

When we were in a school setting, they were less confident — because they were so concerned about fitting into the playground pecking order. Taking that out of their day has let them become more confident versions of themselves. I’m very, very thankful for that.

When someone asks you

There will always be someone who tells you your kids won’t be socialized because you homeschool.

You can gently say: “No — I think they’re going to be just fine.”

Homeschool has been the best real-world prep for my kids’ social skills, and I’m so thankful for it.

Just getting started? My guide to starting homeschooling walks you through the first steps — and the free Starter Week gives you a planned first week of lessons. 💛